From: After The Rain
OMG, I'm such a wreck. My lease is up at the end of September, and I have no idea what I'm gonna do. Joe, my boyfriend, and I have been through a lot. We've been together since November of 2001. I have no idea how he even feels about me anymore. I try so hard to get through to him, but nothing I try is good enough. We still have fun, and I still enjoy being around him alot, but things just aren't the same. I can't figure out whether I'm wasting my time on something that just isn't gonna work or what.
I guess I have several options, it's just the not knowing which one to choose that's getting to me. I could:
A) Sign another year lease here. This would mean another year with Joe, which would be fine if I had some kind of guaruntee, but that's not the way life works. If something were to happen, I'd have no place to live, and that is no fun at all, trust me, I know.
B) Stay in Pittsburgh in the hopes that I can find a good job and be able to afford my own place. This way I could still be near Joe, but I'm not sure he'd still want to talk to me even... I don't really know that many other people in Pittsburgh, my social life is kinda limited right now, for reasons that don't make a whole lot of sense.
C) Move back home with my mom for a time while I get my life together and save up money to move somewhere I really want to live. This is probably the hardest one, but what I think I should probably do. I don't want to move back to Meadville, because it's really small, and I would be so limited as to what I could do there. And I don't want to end up commuting to Pittsburgh from there.
I just don't know what I'm gonna do. I guess I have some time to think about it. I would like to talk to Joe, but he's not too receptive of that. Most of the time, I feel like I'm talking at him rather than to him... I do love you Joe, if you read this.
Well, that's it for now, I hope the next time I write on here, I'll have something more positive to say... Wouldn't that be nice.
