I woke up kinda early on Sunday morning after having a rather upsetting dream. In it I was at Matt's house, sleeping on his couch. I was woke up by some random old man, who wanted to sleep on the couch. So, I got up and walked down this hallway to Matt's door. Before I had a chance to knock on his door, I looked to the left and saw him standing there, wearing a yellow shirt.
I walked over to him and asked what was wrong. I told him that I just woke up from having a dream about him and he was wearing the same yellow shirt in my dream. I don't think he responded, but I know I held him as he stood there.
In another part of the dream, I was packing stuff in a room that was trashed. It was his room, but my stuff I was picking up. I was doing it in silence, but once in a while would say something, to no response.
I woke up and the first thing I wanted to do was call Matt. I was barely functional at that point though, so I soon realized that I was hearing the sounds of my roommate having sex. Loud sex. I pushed play on the ipod, but nothing came on. I tried to open itunes on the pc, at which point I realized the monitor was shaking. I decided my only option was to make a break for it. Trying to ignore the fact that Mike's door was open, I made my way to the back deck and smoked a cigarette.
I called Matt then. No answer. I walked in to make coffee, which I decided I definitely needed. Mike and S came downstairs to shower and while I was trying to make coffee, I turn around and Teri and her husband, Brian are standing at the door. Too much was going on within the first 15 minutes of me being awake, and I still had the dream lingering in the back of my mind.
I drank coffee and smoked a couple more cigarettes, Shane woke up, and at some point Walter came home. Mike, S, Teri and Brian left to go to Lowe's or somewhere. Shane and I went to Panera for lunch.
Oh, and this is as good a time as any to bitch about cell phones. I was so angry at this lady in Panera who was walking around talking on her cell phone very loudly. Seriously, hang up or take it outside, I was about to go off on her. I don't need to hear the details of your private conversation. Not to mention while she was making sure that everyone in the restaurant knew all her business, her 8 babay's kids were running wild, screaming and causing general havok. I'm looking into purchasing one of these.
I didn't have much to do yesterday, I was sad and grumpy all day. I called Matt a total of 4 times, sent him a text message, and eventually resorted to AIM. Never heard back from him. So, he's officially not talking to me... again.
We were supposed to hang out on Tuesday, he wanted to come hang out and spend the night, but for whatever reason, something has changed. When I called on Tuesday, he picked up the phone, paused for a moment, and hung it back up. I really just don't get it. I guess the dream just threw in my face what I had known but tried to deny. That he really wasn't talking to me anymore. Previously I could've chalked it up to the fact that he was too busy to talk or whatever, but not after yesterday.
It hurt a lot to come to that realization. I hadn't done anything, I guess the way he felt about me just changed... again. Once again I'm completely in the dark, having no idea what's going on. But wishing he would call me. I'm so tired of this cycle. It was getting easier, it really was. He was an asshole to me less than a month again, and it made it really easy to not think about him. Then he apologized, and we talked, and it seemed like he was getting better about things, but now I'm just lost again.
I just wish I didn't feel like this. Wish I could find someone who treats me better. But most of all, I
